- Obey the Rules of Conversation: Despite confusion, you can and should still obey the typical rules of a standard conversation.
- Keep the Conversation Going: Continue the conversation based on tone of voice or what you can understand.
- Different Realities: Work with your loved one’s reality, even if to you it doesn’t feel accurate.
- Ending a Conversation: End a conversation clearly, perhaps by getting up or stating, “I am finished.”
Why words matter: talking to people living with dementia
Most aspects of supporting someone involve some level of communication, whether it’s making decisions, reaching an agreement, or providing care or support. Language can also let your loved one request, comfort, challenge, negotiate, or resolve problems. But conversations can also be unpredictable for any of us. We have to respond in the moment, and can’t always plan what we want to say in advance. When something doesn’t work or there is a misunderstanding, we can then repair the damage. These communication skills get more difficult when you have dementia, however.
Obey the rules of conversation
Though people living with dementia may have speech that is more difficult to understand, they still often use the basic structure or rules of conversation, including things like taking turns or answering questions you might ask. So, if you don’t answer your loved one’s questions or interrupt, this can be confusing. If something like this happens, maybe because you didn’t understand or were confused by their speech, you can help your loved one feel more at ease by explaining your confusion and apologising.
Keep the conversation going
Though you should apologise and repair the conversation when you’re talking to someone with dementia, you might find that you end up constantly interrupting as you speak to them. This interrupting and asking for clarification can end up highlighting the things that a person with dementia is starting to struggle with, which can become upsetting for your loved one.
Instead of interrupting frequently, try continuing the conversation by picking out what you can understand, using repetition, or responding to your loved one’s emotional tone rather than the words they’re using. This is an easy way to keep the conversation going and words flowing, especially if you know a lot about your loved one.
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Different realities
It can be difficult when a person with dementia has a different view of reality from a support partner, caregiver or loved one. They might not know where they are, understand their current care needs, or think that they are much younger than they are, with different responsibilities at home or at work. This happens due to retrograde amnesia. In the past, people were advised to correct people living with dementia, giving them more accurate information. However, this is ineffective. Instead, many people say that finding an aspect of the situation they can both agree on, like asking them if they miss their partner, whom they ask to go collect.
If your loved one becomes stuck on a topic, you could also try to find a distraction, change the subject, or ask them if they’d like to do a shared activity as you continue to converse.
Ending a conversation
It can be challenging to close a conversation with your loved one if they don’t pick up on cues that the conversation is ending. This can lead to prolonged closings.
Being clear about the end of a conversation, like saying “I am finished”, as well as describing what you’re going to do next and using support actions like standing up, all help to signal an end to the conversation. You should avoid ending the conversation by asking “Is there anything else?” – phrases like this are often ineffective, causing confusion for your loved one if they don’t understand what you mean.
When words fail, it doesn’t matter. Communication is about so much more than just spoken language. Don’t forget the simple joy and connection that comes from just being present with your loved one. Contact us to learn more about the dementia care we offer and the different ways we can help you and your loved one.
