Authored by Tamar Krebs, Founder and Chief Experience Officer, Videri Australia
Staying connected with the people we love is powerful. It anchors, comforts, and reminds us that we belong. For someone living with dementia, these moments of connection are especially important. Yet, I know that sometimes the thought of visiting can feel a little daunting. What should I say? Will they recognise me? How do I make the time together meaningful?
Here’s the truth: visits don’t need to be perfect. They don’t even need to be long. What matters most is that they are genuine. Your presence, your voice, your smile, these are gifts far greater than the “right” words.
1. Start with what you know
Instead of asking open questions like “What did you do today?”, which can sometimes be hard to answer, try bringing in a gentle prompt. For example, check in with the Homemakers or carers before your visit to learn about your loved one’s day. You might then say, “I heard you enjoyed some time in the garden today – what flowers were blooming?” This can spark memories and make conversations flow more easily.
2. Bring something to share – a common third
Visits often feel more relaxed when there’s an activity to enjoy together. A common third is when two people look to connect and focus on something other than each other, and this can be a really handy tool to make visits more meaningful. A family photo album, a favourite book, or a piece of cherished music can open the door to conversation. Equally, small and fun prompts, like a basket of herbs to smell, a soft scarf to feel, or a box of postcards from travels, can spark curiosity and awaken memories. Tangible items, whether familiar or novel, invite shared moments and can gently unlock stories that might otherwise remain tucked away.
3. Create shared experiences
Sometimes the most powerful moments come not from talking, but from doing. A simple activity like watering plants, folding laundry, preparing a snack, or sitting outside together, can create a sense of purpose and closeness. It doesn’t need to be elaborate – what matters is doing it together.
4. Use both words and presence
Communication isn’t only about what you say. Tone of voice, eye contact, gentle touch, and relaxed body language can all speak volumes. A warm smile, a reassuring hand, or simply sitting quietly side by side can sometimes mean more than words.
5. Take the pressure off
There’s no ‘right’ way for a visit to unfold. Each time you spend together may feel a little different – sometimes filled with conversation, other times simply sharing quiet moments. Let go of expectations and focus on enjoying the time as it comes. Even a short visit can bring comfort and connection.
A final thought
Reconnecting with a loved one living with dementia may feel a little uncertain at first, especially if it has been some time since your last visit. But remember: your presence matters. You don’t need the perfect words or the perfect activity, just showing up with warmth and openness can make a huge difference.
At Videri, we see every day how meaningful visits strengthen bonds and bring comfort to both residents and families. Our homes are always open and welcoming, so if you’ve been thinking about visiting but weren’t sure how, we encourage you to take that step when it feels right for you.
